Saturday, November 22, 2008

In less than a week I am able to transfer out of ICU. I have examined my incision and have asked Ryan to count the staples for me. He believes there are sixty four metal staples holding me together. I ask him to take a picture with his phone and text it to Sam. My scar is gigantic, and the doctors refer to it as a Mercedes, since it looks like that symbol without the circle surrounding it. The pain management team has suggested the use of non narcotic pain meds, such as Celebrex, which I believe is used for arthritis patients. They also want me to go to counseling to learn how to control my pain with my mind. I think that is bizarre. In the meantime I am on the Dilaudid PCS pump. I only press the button to administer the medicine when I am going to get up to walk.
Tonight I am unable to sleep. I have not gone to the bathroom yet, and the pain from the bloating and constipation is severe. I lay suffering in the dark until I can take it no more. I have learned all the things I must do to help the situation. I wake Ryan up and ask him to walk with me in the hallway. It is around three in the morning. The nurse sees us and comes over to help. I am hunched over, clutching at my stomach. I am out of my mind with pain. I beg the nurse to help me, do something, anything. She says there is nothing she can do. So I walk and pray to God for strength.

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